A girl's guide.

What to wear? Emma Tunstall on why a grouse moor can be a minefield!

If you are lucky enough for the man of your dreams to invite you to accompany him on a grouse shooting trip it can be a little daunting - it's not exactly the normal what-to-wear dilemma.

There are just so many things you might need - August in the Highlands can produce some very extreme weather conditions and as anyone who has inhabited such a place will tell you, “there is no such thing as bad weather - just bad clothing”. Although you may set off in blazing sunshine it’s quite amazing how quickly the skies can darken and the heavens open. The wind can turn cold and you will be sitting patiently in the butt in a flimsy shirt gradually losing all sense of feeling in your fingers and toes.

Loose layers are the key. Colours are important as the eyesight of grouse is not to be underestimated - for those who have never seen grouse fly it is reminiscent of the snitch in a quiditch match at Hogwarts. They are truly wild, weaving mesmerisingly at high velocity in front of you. If they see anything bright they will change course, turning with breathtaking speed - your man's chance for a shot gone in that same flash! Probably diverting the birds to another lucky b....'s butt. There follows a tricky moment in which you suddenly realise that your popularity with himself has fallen several notches.

It's always good to wear really comfortable clothing as there may be considerable walking and then when the drive is underway you can be sitting waiting for what seems like ages - skirts are fine but avoid minis until later in the evening. Stick to long skirt and long socks with comfy waterproof walking boots, or shooting trousers, long sleeved cotton shirt preferably in colours to match your surroundings are good too - green, brown, lilac. Think earthy, think heather, it’s generally best not to wear white (pretty much a 'no go' area).

Midges can be simply horrendous too at this time of year - a well used product is Avon Planet Spa Olive Oil Dry Oil Body Spray (green bottle, not pink). A waterproof jacket is essential, preferably one with good sized pockets and you may even want a small bag as you need ear protection, a hat, some tissue paper (as you may not always see a loo), lipgloss, suncream, mozzy spray and possibly a discreet paperback if you suspect it may not be as exciting for you as the shooter!

As the grouse season progresses the weather may deteriorate - there are days in August when you could just as easily be laying on the heather in a bikini (not to be recommended however, for a variety of reasons!) But if your relationship blossoms and you get invited in November for grouse then unless you can't bear a day or two apart, the advice would be don't go - there won't be enough clothes you could carry that could keep you warm enough or dry enough!

Where to buy

The choice of shooting clothing for ladies has improved dramatically.  London shops Farlows, Purdey, Holland & Holland, Beretta Gallery, William Evans and Ray Ward all have good stock. Just out of town there is Churchills, also recommended, while the Really Wild Girls based at Royal Berkshire have outlets throughout the UK. Further afield Carters Country Wear and the House of Bruar have good new ladies ranges, as do manufucturers Barbour, Chrysalis, Schoffel and Musto.  So you will also need to get good advice.

One who didn't was the long limbed lap dancer who last August had been instructed in the style of the movie Pretty Woman to get kitted out for a few days on the moor. She handed over her £1,000 in used bank notes in a shop that she thought would know what she needed and was despatched in sale-rail no-no's...

 
 
 

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